Food Archive

“Fall is here and all I have to say is f@%k fall. Fall. I hate the fall. What bullsh*t. Oh the leaves change color, they change color for 2 days! Then a big wind comes and all you got are nothing but sticks for the rest of the year. And then the weather is completely nonsense. You don’t even have a proper fall coat. Nothing you wear is right. You wake up its sunny out you put a coat on, you go out you’re sweating like a pig, you take it off and then its cold, its bullshit! Suns out you’re sweating but there’s a breeze so your freezing. It’s not weather its malaria!”

 – Lewis Black

I do love Lewis Black. His words are so true. And while the above is certainly true for Fall, I love it! I love the cooler weather (after it goes through the malaria stage) and the fall foods and the fall beers and the… okay, so basically just the weather and the food and beer. But still! Fall is great. And while we may be reaching a pumpkin tipping point, I will continue to enjoy each and every fall/pumpkin item that comes out. Which leads me to…

The Dunkin Donuts Pumpkin Cheesecake Square

Just look at it. Bask in its golden, pumpkinny glory! Kneel! Kneel before… Sorry! I don’t know what happened. I was overcome with the pumpkin doughnut. It’s okay. I’m fine now.

Well, let’s start with the basics. It’s a standard DD yeast based doughnut, think the glazed except square and filled with pumpkin cheesecake. Delicious. Pumpkin. Cheeseca… Sorry! I almost lost it again. The top is covered with an orange icing with a white decorative drizzle and streusel crumbs.

When cut in half you can see some of the filling. Okay, it’s hard in this picture since the inside of the doughnut and the filling are nearly identical in color. Hold on…

There we go. Before I go any further, can we talk about DD’s general lack of filling in doughnuts over time? I remember when I was a kid we would eat those vanilla and chocolate butter cream filled powdered doughnuts. Those things were STUFFED! You had to plan your bites, because as soon as you bit into it cream would just explode all over (we really need to talk about getting “phrasing” back in the rotation). I even remember my dad driving to a specific DD that was a little further from our house, because they had even more filling in them. Now, just look at it. Hardly fills half the doughnut. Shameful. Anyway…

I took a smell and didn’t really get anything other than doughnut. So I took a bite.

WOOOOOOOOOOO!

Okay. So, I know that DD has done cheesecake squares a while back. I think they were Oreo. I didn’t have any of those, so I have no comparison, but let me say, this thing was delicious! The filling tasted like pumpkin and ginger and a little cinnamon. It was light and airy as if it had whipped cream folded into it. There was a little cheesecake tang on the back. Perfect!

I tried a little of the filling by itself, and it is really good. I would eat it in a pie, or a cheesecake I guess would be more appropriate. I also tried a little of the top by itself. The icing is very sweet, but it doesn’t overpower the filling. It compliments it quite nicely. What I hadn’t realized, is that the cinnamon comes from the streusel topping. Lots of cinnamon and brown sugar in those little bits.

Anyway, I proceeded to jam the rest of the doughnut in my mouth and then wished I had a bought a dozen or two.

I consider myself (myself… self… elf.. f..) to be the Modern Day Renaissance Man. When I’m not doing Project Management for an eDiscovery company, I’m blogging about parenting (LittleReadFatherhood.com), writing science fiction children’s books (Go buy Starflyer John Jackson – BUY ME!) and officiating weddings (TheNYWeddingOfficiant.com). I’m also an avid reader of food blogs. I read everything from local NYC lunch blogs to classy Martha Stewart type stuff. My favorite food blogs, admittedly, are the ones that discuss and review junk food and fast food. This eventually lead me to the Fatguy Food Blog.

Last week the call went out, and the Fatguys were looking for food bloggers. I’ve blogged about parenting and other stuff, I have a decent sense of humor, I’m an above average writer (if I do say so myself) and I liked the site. Well, if I was looking for another feather in my cap, what better feather than one covered in bacon! The only problem… I didn’t have a food review to show them. That. Ends. Today!

Without further adieu, I give you my Fatguy Food Blog Audition Review – Pumpkin Spice Milano Cookies.

It’s Fall. Well, not really. Hell, it’s not ever Labor Day for goodness sakes. But as we progress as a people, the seasonal items start earlier and earlier. I have to assume that eventually the seasonal items will be so early, they will actually sync up with the proper season. Okay, I guess I can’t be too critical. I truthfully have NO idea when these cookies came out. I was wondering the local CVS on my lunch break and stumbled on these. And, let’s be honest, today is September.

Okay, enough about early seasonal items. Let’s get to the reason you all ultimately came here today. How does it taste? Well, okay, let’s start with the package itself. I see colored leaves. I see fall hues of yellow and orange. I see some cinnamon sticks. Oh, what’s that peaking in from behind? Is that? Is that a pumpkin?

Let’s recap: Fall. Milano Cookies. Cinnamon. Pumpkin. We have hit all the important motifs for a pumpkin spice flavored item. But what’s really inside?

Hmmmmmmmmm… I’m not seeing any pumpkin, which is no surprise. Most times these types of foods are more pumpkin spice, than say, pumpkin pie, and to Pepperidge Farm’s credit, they do say it is a “pumpkin spice flavored” cookie. Let’s continue along; sugar, milk chocolate, eggs, salt, natural flavoring… That’s it! No cinnamon! No ginger! No nutmeg! No cloves! No allspice! I guess those things could be in “natural flavors” but even then it’s only “2 percent or less!”

Already I don’t have high hopes. Don’t get me wrong. I love a Milano cookie. Who doesn’t? But there is nothing like bad pumpkin spice to ruin a product. Okay, let’s open this bag up and see what’s what.

Kind of looks like the elevator in Die Hard, doesn’t it?

I close my eyes and take a big sniff and smell… ummm… Milanos? Did someone pack this bag near a pumpkin spice scented candle or something? There is the slightest, and I mean slightest hint of pumpkin spice. It’s so slight, I can barely pick it up. Could be cinnamon. Maybe some ginger? Allspice, maybe? Potentially even some actual pumpkin? I definitely smell Milano. Maybe that’s the clever ruse that Pepperidge Farm has pulled over us all. Make the pumpkin spice so faint, that everyone will smell what they want. Kind of like a Rorschach Test for your nose.

I pull one out of the bag and give it a look. Like all things pumpkin, the cookies have an odd, orange-colored creme in them. It kind of oozes out the side of the cookie, making these cookies look like a bad clam.

I tried to pry one apart to get a look inside and found it to be much more difficult than pulling apart a Oreo. But I got some of the top cookie off. The creme is a very thin spread of orange that has the consistency of cake frosting.

Enough screwing around! Time to eat these warlocks.

These won’t win any prizes. Truthfully, it kind of tasted like I ate a Milano cookie after eating something pumpkin flavored. I almost imagine the people at Pepperidge Farm making these cookies much in the way Churchill was said to make a martini – ice-cold gin and a bow in the direction of France. These are Milano cookies taste like they were made with a pumpkin in the room. In the end, it’s a Milano cookie with a hint of pumpkin spice. It’s not offensive, and truthfully, the more I eat them, the better they seem. Once again, all part of the Pepperidge Farm Master Plan…